We found out the first week of September we were pregnant : ) And every morning for this past month I have skipped my quiet time in the morning to sleep in. I keep reminding myself that “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). This is a daily reminder when one enters motherhood and life no longer becomes about you and your time but all about your little ones. There is a time for a Good Housekeeping staged house and there is a time for a Fitness Magazine body and that time is just not right now in my life : ) I have tried to remind myself of this about listening to my body’s need for sleep and rest as this new little one forms inside of me.
My only issue is my intense struggle to stay connected to God throughout the day when I do not wake up to Him first thing in the morning. How quickly the little ones and the tasks for the day grab all my attention and I have barely even acknowledged my Creator in that very day. And how very different are my thoughts and my attitude and my patience (and the list could go on) when I live out my day separated from Him and out of my own strength.
But here’s the biggest thing… APATHY. The dictionary defines apathy as : lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference. This is how I become towards God and sin when I grow farther away from Him. And this makes sense. Think about friendships you may have or even your marriage. The less you talk to your friend or your spouse and the more distance that grows between you the farther apart you feel. Fellowship and relationships require time and communication and without it those relationships begin to dissipate. The same is for our relationship with God. When I am meeting with Him on a daily basis I feel closer to Him, I understand Him better, I hear His voice and the Spirit’s leading better, my heart desires to obey stronger, my intolerance of sin is heightened… and when I am not meeting with Him on a daily basis I begin to feel apathetic and it begins to not bother me anymore that I haven’t opened my bible in weeks. What a slap in God’s face who wants more than anything to just spend time with me. Even if I can’t get out of bed for my long sought after hour of quiet time, if only I would give 5-10 minutes to read a quick passage and pray I know He would appreciate that. And after all that’s the least I can do considering He sent His only Son and allowed him to be crucified on the cross so I could have my sins forgiven. Ouch. It’s definitely the least I can do.
“Then he said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross DAILY and follow me.’ ” Luke 9:23
“O God, You are my God; EARLY will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You.” Psalm 63:1
“With my soul I have desired You in the night, Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You EARLY.” Isaiah 26:9
The apathy I experience when I distance myself to God sometimes feels comfortable. God never promised that if we followed Him life would be easy, in fact He promised the exact opposite: “In the world you will have tribulation.” (John 16:33). It is because of that that sometimes apathy seems easier… although it is a sin because I become complacent and tolerable of my sins. It is a weird dynamic. When I get back to meeting with God it often feels like all of my sins are aired out and I am forced to work on my character issues again. This can be exhausting and frustrating and can tempt me to want to avoid meeting with God and settle for that apathy because at least then I can just be free to be me… screwed up and all. This is a total lie and trap from Satan that he wants us to stay in. When I am believing that lie then I am not believing God to uphold His promises:
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
God does not want my growth in character to be exhausting and frustrating. It will not be easy but He promises that His grace is sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9) and that He will provide all that we need in times of trials (Philippians 4:19 and 1 Corinthians 10:13). And sure God said in this world we will have tribulation but He followed it by saying that He has overcome the world! (John 16:33). My growth and walk with God is only exhausting and frustrating when I try to do it without Him. When I try to battle that sin issue all by my sinful self … sound funny? That’s because it is. I am a sinner through and through so how can I expect myself to save myself from my sins? I can’t! Only a Savior who was sinless can do so. And that Savior wants to walk by my side and help give me the wisdom, strength and grace to work through these issues. So the next time I’m tempted to avoid having my quiet time because it’s going to be too hard to face my issues… I’m going to go directly in prayer to my Father and desperately ask for His strength and grace to go where He’s asking me. And I know He will answer and provide.