“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,
according to his power that is at work within us,
to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,
for ever and ever! Amen.”
I went to the women’s bible study at the wonderful church here in Arizona we’ve joined up with during our short stay here. We are studying a book called A Deeper Kind of Calm by Linda Dillow. At the end of our time the leader asked if anyone wanted to share about a valley of weeping they are going through or have recently gone through. For the past 6 weeks I have wanted to share about the baby being breech and my battles with it but found myself so choked up by tears just thinking about opening my mouth to say something that I hesitated each time and resolved to share the next week. Being that I was going in the following day to schedule the version for this baby I decided to share my battle and all God has been teaching me through this process and ask for additional prayer request (and practical help) for the version the following week. Part of my prayer request was wisdom on if we should go through with the version as I began having hesitation worrying over complications that could occur since Adam would still be out of town and I would be by myself. I began wondering if this was an area of trust in God. Trusting Him to turn the baby if it was His will without intervention from the doctor. Again, this was a battle of my desire to control as I had a fear that if we didn’t do the version and came delivery the baby was still breech I would be left with this thought of … “if only we had done the version…”
This was the morning of my dr. appt to schedule the version for the following week. During my quiet time that morning I focused my prayers on wisdom and clear direction on if we should go through with scheduling the version. I asked God to help me make this decision by making it extremely clear and to have that peace that surpasses understanding for whatever decision He wanted us to make. I resolved to want what He wanted… not what I wanted which was to control the situation. The appt wasn’t until 10 AM. About 8:30 AM I was packing up the kids and our stuff and cleaning up breakfast since we had to run a few errands before the appt and I felt my belly stretching and tightening so extensively. I was wondering what the baby was doing in there. All of a sudden I had to stop in the middle of going up the stairs because my belly hurt so bad. I thought it was going to burst. And then I felt this small round knob to the far left of my belly… an area I haven’t felt the baby move in before and a size of a knob I haven’t felt before. I honestly didn’t think much of it I just thought the baby was stretching intensively for whatever reason (we did have smoothies that morning for breakfast… maybe too much sugar?!?!). I remembered going through this with Josh where any time I felt the slightest difference I would hope he had turned only to find out he hadn’t which was such an emotional disappointment so I have in a sense hardened my emotions to hoping this baby would turn. My appt comes and I have my list of questions about the version and the impending c/s in a few weeks. My dr says let’s just check where we’re at and then we’ll get to the questions. I told her about the feelings this morning as she was feeling my belly and she interrupted me and said “HEAD DOWN!” I was in total shock! What?!?! Yup, here’s the butt right here, and there’s a foot right next to it, and way down here is the head! She smiled a victorious smile : ) What a blessing to have a dr advocating this for you too! I felt like I was finding out I was pregnant for the first time : )
Why would God do this for me? I know I still wasn’t where He wanted me to be with giving this over to Him in my heart. There was still a part of me fearing that I’d be angry with a c/s at the end of this pregnancy. I know I still didn’t have that peace and joy no matter what path of delivery. I felt like I still had a long way to go with this journey.
That is how much God loves me. Loves us. Loves you.
He knew I still wasn’t there. I wasn’t perfect. But He wanted to shower His blessings upon me. Not because I deserved it but simply because He loves me. I am His child. He wanted to surprise me with a special gift. An unexpected gift. He wanted me to feel His undeserved love and care with this specific circumstance.
It wasn’t because I joined a gym or went swimming every day or rested on my arms with my butt in the air or laid upside down on the couch every night that this baby turned. The baby turned while I was walking around doing what I do every single day. In fact I hadn’t done any of the above things for the previous 3 days. There is no reason other than the hand of God for why this baby turned and for that I am so thankful. To God be all the Glory!
Would God still love me and still be worthy of all the glory if He didn’t turn this baby? I am even more convinced that yes He would. Just from sharing this story with a few women in a bible study has done measures to encourage and uplift them and their walks with God and even to people beyond the bible study. God always has a plan that is different than mine for why He does what He does. I would’ve never thought this could be used as a testimony to encourage others to trust God and I’m certain if He didn’t want this baby turned then that path would be used for the same reason. He would have a greater reason for using another c/s in my life and breech baby to bring glory to Him.
I have not felt so loved by God like this in a long time and I am so thankful for it. As Psalm 51:12 says… God is restoring to me the joy of my salvation. How silly to think that He would use this path to do this but He did. That’s what I needed and because He knows me intimately He provided.
Thank you so much Lord for your love.